fearfully and wonderfully made {heart cath update}

We continue to stand in awe of God's provision for our sweet girl with every new detail we learn about her heart.

Last Tuesday she had her heart cath for surgery mapping. Her team of doctors and nurses were so thorough in explaining every detail prior to her procedure and answering all of our questions. She was a rockstar and really hasn't skipped a beat other than the few moments (that seemed like forever) in recovery when she stopped breathing and they had to give her oxygen. Once we were back home and the sedation wore off, her spunky little personality began to surface again which was a welcome sight.

Her cardiologist met with us when he was finished to review all of the pictures he captured and a team of 20 doctors met last week to discuss her case and give us a map for her future heart care.

The morning of her heart cath my dad shared Psalm 139 with us.
She is no doubt fearfully and wonderfully made.

God has perfectly made her heart "imperfect" from the beginning.

I'm still trying to absorb all of the new terminology and fully understand everything he shared with us but in summary, everything that is imperfect is working together at this time perfectly to protect her lungs and keep her well balanced.

We know this won't last forever and she will have open heart surgery in the next year or two, but for now we are so very grateful for the gift of time we have been given to bond with our girl and continue to allow her to transition to our family before undergoing major surgery.

Soon after we received her file I began praying specifically that she could be a bi-ventricular repair instead of needing a Fontan. I knew it would be a remote possibility given what we knew about her heart condition but chose to lay my request before our God that is the God of the impossible.

The team of doctors that met last week agreed that she will be able to have a bi-ventricular repair.
The challenging part will be all of the "plumbing" they have to re-route since everything in her heart is flipped and not where it should be.

We recently received her medical files and also learned that God protected her from having
Fontan surgery in China which would have prevented her from receiving the bi-ventricular repair.

Yet another way we continue to see God's hand at work answering our specific prayers.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Our brave little heart warrior...strong and mighty, determined to conquer any obstacle in her way.

Her story continues to unfold before us and we trust in our sovereign God who has written
every chapter and knows every detail that lies ahead.

I love every inch of this sweet girl even down to her cute little toes.
And this is but a glimpse of His great love for her.

Nothing can thwart the heart and plan of God.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."
Psalm 139: 14, 16

our journey to Mary Katherine {hidden providence in opposition}

On Tuesday we went back to the registration office to receive our adoption certificate. Our travel group gathered together and the officials spoke briefly before giving us our adoption certificate, which marks the day our adoption is finalized in China. Of course, in our eyes, the first moment we held Mary Katherine will always be our forever family day.

We returned to the hotel briefly for a quick lunch and then prepared for our travel day to Luoyang with another family. In Henan, they now require that each family travel to their child’s provincial city to apply for their passport. Fortunately we did not have to make this trip when we adopted Lily. Her city, Nanyang, is a 4 hour one way trip which would have been extremely difficult considering how much she was grieving.

Our trip to Luoyang would be 2.5-3 hours each way. As we were about to get off the Luoyang city exit, our guide told us that the passport office called to say they were closing for the day due to no power. We debated staying in a hotel for the night but we were not prepared with extra clothes, diapers, formula, etc. so we turned around and headed back to Guangzhou. A long day for everyone to say the least.

We would soon be reminded of God’s hidden providence in our opposition and set backs.

We woke up early the next morning ready for round two. We prayed over our trip and enjoyed a nice time of fellowship in the van with the other family we have enjoyed getting to know.

As God’s timing would have it, we arrived just as the office was preparing to close and quickly ran in for the passport picture….mission accomplished.

We had requested if there was time to be able to visit the Luoyang orphanage, Maria’s Big House of Hope and see Mary Katherine’s finding place.

Clearly God knew our trip needed to be delayed so that we would have the gift of time to make these visits.

After lunch we made a brief stop to see Mary Katherine’s finding place. I may share more another time, but for now I am very grateful to have a few photos that mark this part of her adoption story.

We traveled from there to the Luoyang city orphanage, which is located across from Mariah’s Big House of Hope.

We were not allowed to take any pictures in the orphanage, which houses over 600 children. It is a new building and much nicer than most; however, there is still a cold, institutional feel as you walk down the halls. The nannies are doing the best they can given their circumstances but the reality is that every face we saw is the face of a child without a forever family. A child in need of hope and love. As we were leaving I looked over at Michael and saw him welling up with tears overwhelmed by the reality of what we saw. This would have been the home for Mary Katherine and given her medical condition she may not have survived. By God's grace He allowed her to be the recipient of such excellent love and care from New Hope and Maria's Big House of Hope. There are no words to express our gratitude for this life giving gift.

The other family traveling with us was able to meet their son's caregivers and see the room where he played during his time there. And as God would have it, with over 600 babies, their other son they will be bringing home in the spring shared the playroom next to his and they were able to see him briefly before we left. Such a gift from the Lord.

We walked across the yard to Maria's Big House of Hope where joy and love abound.

Every person we met shines a bright light of hope and it is evident how much they adore the children in their care. We were able to take a tour and see the rooms where Mary Katherine stayed. She went right to one of the nannies who cared for her most recently but was hesitant and a bit reserved during the remaining part our visit snuggling up close to Michael for security.

To Lily's dismay we did not have time to play with the babies like we did at New Hope. When the girls are older my desire is to return for a trip to serve and give back. New Hope and Maria's exceeded my expectations. They are a beacon of light for children in need of hope. A glimpse of the great love God has for the fatherless. The more we learn about the ministry of Show Hope the more we stand in awe of how God continues to do the impossible and open doors of opportunity for them to care for the orphans of this world.

On our way home we also experienced another unexpected gift as our guide prayed to receive Christ. What a gift to witness God's great love story as another one of His children was adopted into His kingdom.  

Looking back we are grateful for our day of opposition that revealed God's hidden providence. 

To God be the glory.

our journey to Mary Katherine {forever family day}

I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep so I went out in the hallway to write in Mary Katherine’s journal, pray and reflect on all God has done to bring us to this day. Michael joined me in the hall a few hours later and we had a sweet time of prayer before getting ready for our day.

As we were waiting for the bus to take us to the registration office we took one last “waiting for you” picture of our family of four.   

In just a few hours there would be no more waiting… just a lifetime of forever with our sweet girl.

We have a large travel group with 8 families (compared to only 4 when we adopted Lily). Three of the families are returning to adopt again from Henan. We have enjoyed getting to know the other families and love hearing their stories. I never cease to be amazed at how God perfectly sets the lonely in families.

The waiting began and we eagerly watched each van drive up wondering if it would be the one holding our daughter.

Lily could barely contain her excitement. She kept standing at the door watching and asking when her baby sister would be coming. She prepared the dolls in their blankets and all the toys she wanted to give Mary Katherine when she arrived.

As God’s timing would have it, just as with Lily, we were last family to receive our daughter. We saw the van pull in and watched from inside. I could see that she had fallen asleep and they were waking her up to bring her to us.

Her big brown eyes took my breath away. I waited to hold her as they began telling us about her medication. We also wanted to give her some time to warm up to us. The weight of her in my arms is a feeling I will always remember. I love the last picture in this series with Lily’s little hand popping into the frame holding the rattle she wanted to give her baby sister. Her first of many acts of love.

We took our adoption certificate photo and met nurse Jonah from Maria’s Big House of Hope who was so very kind. It is evident that she loves the children in her care.  

We are so grateful for the level of love and care she has received from both Maria's and New Hope.  There are no words that can express our gratitude for this amazing gift.  

The emotions in the room are full. Some babies still screaming they say goodbye to their nannies, others with blank faces withdrawn and grieving silently, and a few with smiles on their faces adjusting well to their new family.

My heart breaks yet is full knowing every child in this room will know the gift of a forever family.

Adoption… so beautiful yet marked with such brokenness….a reflection of our adoption as sons and daughters of the King.

My prayer is that Mary Katherine will feel the depth of our love for her soon and trust us as we do our best to meet her every need.

We arrived back to the hotel and went back to our room taking is slow and letting her lead the way.

Michael left to complete some paperwork and we sat on the floor to play.

Slowly some smiles came our way as she began to giggle each time Spencer knocked down the tower of blocks.

She is curious and full of expression. She is quick to learn and likes to imitate what we do. At times she looks at us with a little furrowed brow and will pucker her little lips together in the sweetest way.

She is pure delight and already has captured our hearts.
 Lily said “she is the sweetest baby I have ever seen”.

After playing a bit she popped up out of nowhere and stared walking around the room .
She is a girl on the go eager to explore. We took a few laps up and down the hall which she loved.

Michael returned after a couple of hours and I went back with him to sign some papers and put her handprint on our official documents. On the way back to the hotel she fell fast asleep on his shoulder.

At dinner she discovered the steps and loves to go up and down them holding our hands.

We ended the night with a bath which she loved.

We tucked the girls in bed, read some books and prayed together thanking God for this beautiful miracle of one.

Mary Katherine, forever and always we will be your family.

Forever and always you will be our child.

a miracle that never fades...

The colored eggs are in the attic...the baskets tucked away...the Easter meal shared among family is now a distant memory and yet the truth of Easter never fades.  

Every new day is a gift to celebrate our risen Lord.  

A reminder that I have been given life because of His grace.

I am forgiven.  

I am redeemed.  

I am a child of the King.  

Several times this week Lily has said "let's talk more about Jesus".  

  

I love that her heart desires to know more about our Savior.  

That her childlike faith strengthens mine.  

Right now we are reading The Story for Children.  

As timing would have it, this week we were reading all about the events that led up to the crucifixion of Jesus. 

The resurrection eggs we made together last week came full circle 

as she continued to ask questions and connect the dots.  

Every time we saw a cross this week (which was almost daily), she would say, 

"Mommy Jesus died on the cross so that I can have life!"  

Thank you Lord for using our daughter to remind me that your miracle never fades. 

You are waiting each day for me to run into your arms.  

No greater love

Lily and I spent most of our morning decorating eggs together.  She was in her element creating, painting, gluing and making a beautiful mess :))

She is a creative soul at heart and I love seeing her joy unfold when she is free to explore and do what  makes her heart sing.  I asked her tonight after reading our Bible story what was her favorite part of our day and she immediately said, "decorating eggs with you".  

 Last week while we were on a walk she found this stick and insisted that we make a cross out of it.  Then we talked about what Jesus did on the cross for us and she wanted to draw a picture of him to nail to the cross.  Today I received a gift in the mail from a dear friend with this love charm bracelet.  The timing was perfect as we reflect and remember the great sacrifice and love Christ poured out for us on the cross.  I am so undeserving and yet He loved me enough to bear my sin unto death so that I may have life.  

We also made some resurrection eggs today to help her better understand the meaning of Easter.  Here is a clip of Lily telling the story of God's love and redemption...

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lasts down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

May you reflect in the power of the cross this Easter.  

Do You Believe?

"Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. 

 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:10-11

What keeps you from Bethlehem?

For me...it is the business of this season and trying to check of the "to do" lists that never seem to end.
 If I allow it, this can easily take me away from the truth of that holy night.

The lyrics of my favorite Christmas song this year, Carl Cartee's "Do You Believe", says it well...

If God became a baby, to take the sinners place

to be our salvation...think about the meaning of that day.

Do you believe he made the world?

Do you believe he changed the world?

Do you believe he saved the world?

Oh, the meaning of that night...

The hands, that placed the stars in the sky, wrapped tightly around Mary and Joseph's fingers.

The voice, that spoke the world into being, cried out in the stillness of the night.

The love, poured out for our sins on the cross, reached into a mother's heart.

The light of the world became flesh so that we might have life. There is no greater gift.

Thank you Jesus for your love and pursuit of me even when I stray off course with the distractions of this world.

Oh that I may return to Bethlehem daily to be reminded of the never ending, all consuming love
that entered into the world that Christmas night.

Let us make a joyful noise unto the Lord!

Praying your Christmas was filled with the awe and wonder of the gift we have in Jesus.  

LOVE +1

Since it has been three months since my last post 

(once you read maybe you will understand the reason for my "sabbatical"), 

I thought this would be a perfect way to get back into my blog groove...

From the moment Spencer held Lily in his arms, they have been smitten with each other.

Spencer is very patient and loving to Lily and she absolutely adores her big brother. 

 It is a bond that isn’t forced…it comes straight from the heart.

We have had the privilege of watching the transformation that takes place when there is one less broken heart…

one less child in need of the love a family can give.

And yet there are still millions of orphans who wait…. who have never experienced the love of a family.

I heard these words last November at a Show Hope event and I have been wrestling with them ever since. God has been stirring our hearts and showing up in ways that wasn’t on our radar, that wasn’t in our plans. Yet, how can I argue with a Sovereign God whose ways are higher than my ways, whose thoughts are not my own?

I have a choice to push it aside or choose to surrender.  

I will share more about the details of how God has been working in a later post but for now enjoy the excitement of one big and little person who have some fun news to share with you!

We are ready to love one more and look forward to seeing God’s plan unfold.

(our home study is now complete, dossier files are ready and paperwork is headed to USCIS!!)

Majestic King

God's story of redemption and love did not end on the cross.   

 The majestic King has risen.  

No longer a crown of thorns but the crown of LIFE.
 
Jesus Christ...our eternal hope and glory.
    

"On His robe and on His thigh

He has a name written, King of Kings and Lord of Lords."  

Revelation 19:16

Wishing you a blessed Easter as you celebrate our risen Lord.  

...and there was darkness

There was never a darker moment than the day Christ was crucified and absorbed the wrath of God for our sin.

What thou, my Lord, has suffered was all for sinner's gain;

mine, mine was the transgression,

but thine they deadly pain.

He was mocked and scorned, yet His response...

"Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Christ is in the midst of my darkest hours.

He is in the beautiful, wonderful, messy moments of my life.

Lily recently made this painting and after finishing it she said "look mommy, I made a cross".

It is both messy and beautiful and while I love that about her creation, there it part of me that wants to "fix" it and make it more perfect.

Christ was the perfect sacrifice for our sin, yet the events surrounding his death were messy...ugly...brutal...dark.

He came to die for the broken, shattered, messy pieces of our lives.  

What language shall I borrow

to thank thee, dearest friend,

Lord, let me never, never

outlive my love for thee.

  

The essence of real hope 

is to lose hope in everything but Jesus and His promises.  

As you consider the power of the cross this Easter may

you cling to the One who sheds light to our darkness.