Highs and Lows

I miss seeing these squinty eyes....

and this sweet smile...

and this laugh...

When we first arrived home Lily was eating her liquids well and we saw a few glimpses of her fun personality come out...she wanted to play the piano, read books and hang out with her big brother. 

The past few days have been a little rough and Lily is pretty much sad and uncomfortable.  She just wants to be held and sleep most of the day.  She cries when I give her anything to drink so many times we resort to a syringe to feed her.   

As you can see the pictures above...her tongue is out in all of them and the drooling is excessive. 

We noticed some white patches on her tongue and e-mailed a picture to our doctor over the weekend.  Her nurse called me at 9pm Saturday night (another reason we love our doctor) and called in some medicine for a yeast infection she had developed in her mouth.  Lily wasn't thrilled to have two more medicines added to the list but we can already see some improvements and hopefully she she is beginning to feel it too.  

Below are pictures of Lily with Dr. Buckmiller and her nurse Emily right before surgery.  She was making them laugh with her squinty eyed smile.  I printed out a picture of her doctor a few days before her surgery so that she would recognize her when we met.  When I showed the picture to Dr. Buckmiller she made sure to wear the same hat the day of surgery that she was wearing in the picture.  Lily definitely recognized it when they both walked into the room. 

Lily loves to curl up in a ball on her tummy when she sleeps with her feet tucked up under her and her butt sticking straight up in the air.  I find her this way every morning snuggled up in the corner of her crib. Even the no-no's (arm splints) haven't stopped this girl from getting into her favorite position...she just has trouble breathing this way right now so she isn't sleeping well at night. 

 

pre-sugery without her no-no's

We take shifts eating dinner so she doesn't have to watch us eat in front of her.  Lily loves all kinds of food so I'm sure it would be difficult for her to understand why she can't have what we do right now.  I talked with a parent who told me they did this when their child had palate surgery and I'm thankful for the idea because I'm not sure I would have thought of it on my own. We are two weeks and counting until our follow-up appointment and we pray her mouth will have healed enough to begin some soft foods at that point. 

Lily continues to be brave and resilient through it all.  She has such a calm and gentle spirit and a strength within that will serve her well as she walks the road God has set before her.  It could be a lot worse so I try to focus on the positive and be thankful and content for where we are right now in the healing process.  Every day gets better and it is one step closer to hearing her say her first words...oh, how I look forward to that day!

We are all called to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves...we are so grateful that God has entrusted Lily to us and we will be her advocate and voice through the valleys and mountains we climb together.  

   

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves..."  Proverbs 31:8a

Post Surgery Update

Thank you for your prayers for our sweet little girl.  We felt everyone of them and continue to see God's hand at work throughout our journey. 

Lily was a trooper prior to surgery...she was full of smiles and she had fun making her doctors laugh with her "squinty eye" face. 

Of course, if she knew what they were about to do to her that would be another story.  We laughed when we looked at this picturee tonight...it's the "Just wait until I get my arm splints ("no-no's") on after surgery...I'll get you back with my new weapons-ha!

Lily's doctor felt very good about her palate repair and we are very grateful.  Post-op recovery has been a little rough going most of the day...lots of agitation and restlessness and trying to play the balancing act of monitoring pain but not giving too much meds to affect her breathing. 

In recovery...the first time I was able to hold her again after surgery. 

I was holding up really well until her oxygen started to drop and she was having trouble breathing when I was holding her back in her room...it probably only lasted a few minutes but it seemed like forever to me before she was back to a normal level.  So... the little oxygen mask has been close by my hand and I have a perfect view of her oxygen levels just as my own safety net.  They did turn it off tonight because she is sleeping better and her breathing looks great....plus she needs to be off of it in order for us to be released to go home. 

It looks like Lily has turned a corner the past few hours.  She is sleeping more peacefully and her pain seems to be under control.  That makes Mama and Dad VERY happy.  She even woke up briefly and pointed to her "lammie" and helped me press the button to play her favorite song.  When it started she made her "i'm happy/proud" sweet sound that we love to hear and even tried to give us a smile...she continues to amaze me. 

To see your little girl in pain and have no control or any way to make it better is heart-wrenching.  All we can do is hold her hand and love on her.  We read this verse earlier this week and it has brought me comfort today..."For I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who says to you, "Fear not I am the one who helps you." (Isaiah41:13).  His hand has been holding hers long before ours and that gives me great hope and peace.  He walks the road ahead of us and is paving the way for every mountain and valley we will face. 

Please be in prayer for our trip back home...we have a long drive ahead of us and I am just praying that we don't have any complications with Lily along the way and that she can rest well without too much pain. 

Off to try and get some rest for the night.  I will leave you with this sweet video we got of Lily while we were waiting for her to go back to surgery.  I can't wait to see that sweet smile again very soon I hope... 

 

Surgery Update

Having some computer glitches so I'm going to do a quick update from my phone.
Lily is scheduled for her palate repair tomorrow (Tuesday) from 8:30-11:00 am.
Please pray for the following...
*her doctor and the team working on Lily
*for Lily to respond well to the repair and have a voice that is intelligble and that she is eager to learn to talk.
*for minimal pain and discomfort after surgery
*for lily to be able to eat well and adjust to her liquid diet for 3 weeks
*for peace in our hearts as we send our little angel off to surgery

We know that she is in the best hands of all..our sweet Savior...and He is preparing
the way for us.

Thank you for lifting up Lily as God brings her to mind.

The Power of the Cross

That’s the power of the cross

see the chains fall...

That’ the power of the cross

see the chains fall. 

I sang the chorus of this song over and over in Lily’s ears as I held her during our time in China and in the early days of coming home when nothing else seemed to ease her sadness or calm her spirit. 

At first…it was more for me than her because I desperately needed to feel the power of the cross break the chains that were keeping her from trusting us.

Over time…the repetition of this song became something to calm and give her rest.  I saw the power of God’s hand reaching down to break the chains of fear and uncertainty that filled her heart. 

I haven’t sung this chorus to her in over 3 weeks. 

Indeed, the power of the cross is bringing healing and hope to our little girl.  We see her transforming before our eyes beginning to trust and love. 

She has gone from a scared little girl...

to a girl that loves to sign "love"

from crying in daddy's arms...

to giggles and laughter...

from layers of clothes...

to smocked dresses (thanks to her Gaga and Papaw)

from eating dirt....

to smelling flowers...

from being uncertain about our love...

to feeling safe in our arms...

When God speaks to us, it is not just for information…but for transformation. 

I want to be transformed by the power of the cross.  I want Lily to know that Easter is so much more than bunnies, bright colored eggs and fancy dresses. 

Easter is about the power of the cross

                a beautiful picture of redemption, love and sacrifice. 

                a celebration of life and hope

                a gift of extravagant grace

                                …an invitation to be transformed. 

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGpdRpjoxUA

Once in darkness now in light
Once blind now you see
Once a sinner now a saint
Once bound now free.

CHORUS:
That's the power of the Cross See the chains fall
That's the power of the Cross See the chains fall

Once a stranger now a child
Empty now filled
Once condemned now reconciled
Broken now healed

CHORUS:
That's the power of the Cross
See the chains fall
That's the power of the Cross
See the chains fall

Are you sinking?

If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking…

The words to this song resonated with me when heard them last Sunday at church.  

If grace is an ocean and I am sinking in it, then I look at my life and ask…

am I dripping with grace for others around me? 

am I saturated with the love of God? 

Do I extend grace…unmerited favor… to those in my life who are most difficult to love?  

In my flesh, I am ashamed to say no…the people that inflict hurt and cause emotional pain in my life often lead me to feelings of resentment and bitterness. I try to put a wall between myself and them to insulate the pain that tries to creep in.   

And yet, how does Christ respond to my wandering…to my actions of hurt and pain?  He extends grace…not bitterness.  He tore the veil…He doesn’t build a wall.  He pursues me even in my sin. 

Grace (charis)…the greek term related to rejoice, favor, goodwill…loving kindness. 

God’s grace…unmerited favor made available to me through His son Jesus.  God’s all sufficient, overflowing grace poured out for me…a sinner so undeserving. 

If I really grasp the magnitude of God’s great love displayed on the cross, then my response to those who create pain and hurt will lead to grace and love. 

I am learning more about God’s grace and the depth of His love when I look at the way He has poured out His favor in Lily’s life.   

One of our prayers for Lily was that she would be able to play outdoors and enjoy the fresh air. 

As you can see…even in the poor conditions of her foster home (dirt floors and no electricity), it is evident that she was an outside girl who loved to play. 

When we found out Lily had a playmate in her foster home we immediately wanted to find a way for our friends to try and adopt him!  We found out he has been matched with a family and I recently spoke with his parents…they live only a couple hours away and he will be coming home soon!  ...only by the grace of God. 

We prayed that she would know what it was like to be loved.  

I am humbled by the fact that her foster parents, even in their poverty and older age, took in two special needs little angels.  Lily is an affectionate little girl who loves to give hugs and kisses. 

We prayed my grandmother’s verse over her every night when we were waiting to go get her…when you lie down may you not be afraid; when you lie down may your sleep be sweet. 

Lily is sleeping through the night and each day she falls asleep faster than the night before. (Nap times are a different story but we are still working on that J) 

We prayed that Lily would be true to her Chinese name... Yue (joyful, happy) Xin (new).

                This is the happy smile I get to wake up to every morning. 

My prayer is that Lily will have a beautiful voice to declare God’s love and truth

Lily’s palate will be repaired on May 10^th…we wait with expectation to see what God will do in the days ahead after her surgery.

As I reflect on the power of the cross this Good Friday... I am humbled to be sinking in His grace.   

"For by grace we have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."  Ephesians 2:8

excerpt from the John Mark McMillian's song How He Loves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these
afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are
And how great your affections are for me.

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking...

Running to your arms

Michael saved one toy of Spencer’s when he was little because he had such fond memories of Spencer following him around outside pretending to mow while he was working on the yard.  Spencer got it out of the attic last week and when Lily saw him pushing the lawnmower she was off and running!  

Our little Lily pad loves the freedom that comes with her new found confidence in walking.  She is little miss independent when she is happy and exploring her new world.  When she feels secure she loves to do her own thing and doesn’t even think about us or where we are.  When uncertainty, insecurity, fear, or exhaustion set in…she comes running to my arms for security and affirmation. 

There are times when Lily comes running to my arms with a bright smile and happy attitude but those times are few right now because she doesn’t need me as much when she is rockin’ her smiling face and life is sweet!  (don’t get me wrong…I LOVE this part of her and want to encourage her independence.  I try to keep in mind…what can I do today to make her a little less dependent on me tomorrow). 

As Lily’s parents, our desire is to move her to a place of complete dependence…not on us…but in the One who created her…who designed every gift and talent that will be unleashed in the years to come…the One who knows her every thought and calls her by name.   

Michael and I were talking about this and realized that it’s a lot like how we treat our Savior at times.  When life is good and everything is smooth sailing we often try to do it on our own and His presence fades to the background…not because He isn’t there…we are just too busy to acknowledge Him. 

When we walk through a valley or face the fear of the unknown we come running to His arms seeking direction and affirmation of hope. 

I wonder how our sweet Savior feels when we only come running to Him when we are in need…when the foundation on which we stand begins to crumble? Does He get weary of our repeated requests and petitions for help when we forget to count the blessings He freely pours out in our life?  How many times has He been waiting for me to stop and come before His throne when I keep “doing life” because I see each day as mine to order and plan out every detail.    

I want to learn to be in a state of moment-by-moment dependence on the Lord.  I pray that He would interrupt “my” day with the plans and purposes He desires.  Lord, give me eyes to see your interruptions…not as an inconvenience but as an opportunity for personal growth. 

I want to run into the arms of Jesus…in the joys and struggles of life.  The riches of His love will always be enough...nothing compares to His embrace.  

Where are you running?

Listen to the words of this song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38XATchXJYI

In daddy's arms...

     

Life is Good

It's amazing what a night of good rest and some sunshine can do to brighten your spirits!  We have been loving the gift of the sunshine God has given us the past few days...just what we needed.  We have taken LOTS of walks and played outside and Lily loves it.  She is my kind of girl who loves to be outdoors. 

Lily is doing great and has a sunny disposition most all of the time.  She loves to laugh and figure out how things work.  She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to let us know about it!  Night time and naps were HARD the first few days we were home but the past couple of days have been much better.  I'm cautiously optimistic but definitely celebrating the small successes we have had in this area.  She is sleeping in her crib now and not in our bed which we are both VERY happy about. 

She eats a wide variety of foods (quiche, asparagus, broccoli, apples, oranges) and now we know she even likes Mexican!  I finally got my Mexican fix tonight and Lily did great.  She loved her rice and chicken quesadilla...it was a perfect ending to a great day. 

Tomorrow Lily meets her cousin for the first time...I'm sure they will be fast friends as he is so much fun to be around.  He affectionately calls her "Wiwwy"...so sweet.  She has also had fun skyping with her aunt Debbie and cousins Marlee and Kelly...they taught her to stick out her tongue (even more than she already does!).   

My "Sherpa" never ceases to amaze me...he has unpacked all our bags, washed and folded all our laundry, mowed the lawn, cut the crepe myrtles and went back to work on Monday with only  2 hours of sleep.  He is with me every step of the way and I could not do it without him.  I am so thankful that God put him in my life.  I miss him already after being with him non-stop for two weeks...I could get used to that!  
 
We appreciate your continued prayers as we get settled into our routine.  Michael was praying last night as we went to bed and thanking God for answering every one of our specific prayers for Lily.  We never want to forget what we have seen and experienced the past several weeks together...life changing is all I can say.  There are millions of other orphans like Lily in need of a family...break our hearts Lord for the things that break yours.  

Thought you may enjoy a few pictures from the past several days home...

Spencer meeting Lily for the first time

Lilies for the Lily pad



He looks like a natural!



Fun with Nana



A painting of lilipads for Lily's room
(thanks Nana and Granda)



Sweet love

Admiring her big brother
(who blew up the ball pit all by himself just for Lily)

Loving her Papaw and Granda!

The travel tiara princess!
(she earned this one for being a trooper on the long flight home)

Kisses from Papaw

Make shift gloves for the cold walk outside
(thanks Deb!)

Happy girl looking up to her Gaga

The infamous "finger point" to let us know what she wants

Fun with her Gaga

Playing hard to get with Daddy

Holding on tight
(if she only knew she has Dad wrapped around her finger already)