Questions...

Oh, how I want to be more like Noah. 

God instructed him to build an ark but he never questioned WHY?? 

Scripture says, “Noah did this; he did all that God commanded him.” 

He waited over a 100 years for God to send the rain and yet he never doubted…he never questioned...he chose to walk in obedience to God’s calling. 

Noah was a man who found favor in the eyes of the Lord. 

Oh, how I want to be more like Noah. 

I have a lot of unanswered questions this week that I don’t understand.  For over a year now, Michael and I have been seeking God’s direction about something and trying to walk in obedience to the doors we have seen Him open along the way.    

This week we received an answer that is difficult to understand and I find myself asking, WHY? 

Oh, how I want to be more like Noah. 

It will be hard…it will require sacrifices…it is not what we had planned.  And yet…the LORD is sovereign and my God is in control.  His ways are better than my own and I must learn to trust…just like Noah. 

I am learning more about dependence and surrender…more about letting go. 

I fall short so often and find myself filled with fear, anger, and bitterness…not at God, but at the things of this world that are broken. 

God is writing a bigger story…just as he was in the life of Noah.  I don’t understand today, but in time the lens will sharpen and my heart will soften and I will understand more about how God is using this to shape me. 

Oh, how I want to be more like Noah and walk in obedience to God’s calling…trusting Him enough not to question WHY?

And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.  And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’, when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”  Isaiah 30:20-21

I have read this verse over and over the past year and prayed that we would hear a word behind us saying…this is the way, walk in it. 

The answer we heard this week is clear yet the road ahead feels so uncertain. 

Lord, give me the strength to walk upstream knowing you will meet me there.

So grateful that I have an amazing husband who walks by my side through the disappointments and joys of this life. 

My Sunshine

Today I honor my amazing husband.

He is my gift from God…my soul mate…my best friend and the most incredible father to Lily and Spencer. 



my favorite day...our wedding...January 9, 2004

Our pastor recently said…never fall in love with your children more than you love your spouse.  I would add to that…never fall in love with your spouse or anything of this world more than you love Christ.    

I believe one of the greatest gifts as parents that we can give our children-outside of teaching them about the truth of Christ- is to love each other well. 

Without a doubt, I have a husband who loves me well.  

last "date night" (without the need for a baby sitter) 
before we left for China to bring home Lily

I am so thankful that Lily and Spencer get to see a dad who…

…prays with us together and leads us toward Christ 

…builds me up in front of them

…makes coffee for me every morning

…models integrity and has a strong work ethic

…works diligently during the week so he can play hard with us as a family when he is home

…makes sacrifices to do what is best for our family (i.e. he is out pulling weeds and cleaning windows so I could write this post while Lily sleeps :)

…encourages me to go to my favorite barre class on Saturdays while he plays with Spencer and Lily

…makes us all laugh, loves to have fun and engages with us when he is home

...who makes our relationship a priority and still plans date nights for us! 

…does what he says he will do and is someone they can trust

...gives me the gift of being able to stay at home with Lily and Spencer

Michael is my sunshine…my voice of reason when I am weary…my handsome man that I have the joy of waking up to every morning! 

Lily wakes up every morning signing “daddy” wanting to know where he is.  Her face lights up when he walks through the door every night and her arms open wide to give him a big hug.  In just 3 months their relationship has transformed because of LOVE. 

Love isn’t love until you give it away…

I am grateful for the gift of an earthly father who loved me well.  My dad was and still is my greatest cheerleader.  He allowed me to understand what it meant to be loved so that I could receive the greatest gift of love there is…the love of a heavenly father.



my dad giving Lily some love

Today we celebrate our fathers…dads who are our leaders…our warriors…our courageous men who impact our children for eternity.

the man I love...the wonderful father to our children

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”  John 15:13

thankful

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  I Thes. 5:18

It has been 4 weeks today since Lily's palate surgery.  A week ago today Lily had her follow up appointment with her doctor.  Yesterday was 12 weeks since Lily was placed in our arms for the first time.  My heart is overflowing with gratitude and thanksgiving for that all God has done and continues to do in her life. 

thankful that Lily's squinty-eyed smile is back!

thankful for a great report from her doctor...

Lily's palate has closed completely and Dr. Buckmiller felt great about her healing.  She said it will be another 3-6 months before she will be able to use her palate correctly as it continues to heal but we are praying that she will break the mold and start sooner! 

at Lily's follow appointment with Dr. Buckmiller and nurse Emily



Made a stop on the drive home from her doctor's appointment
Liy's first "real food" (Baskin Robins counts right??) 





this one says it all...



thankful for real food and family meals together...

Lily got the green light to begin eating soft foods last week.  Starting today we can move into giving her most other foods as well.  Needless to say I was thrilled to put away the blender that had become our friend for 3 weeks (although Lily did enojoy her role of official liquifier by pushing the button everytime!)

We all love our family time together so having Lily join us again for meals is a special treat.  It had been so long that Spencer even said yesterday that it felt strange being able to eat in front

of her.  

eggs are coming her way!

thankful for no more no-no's...

Lily was able to remove her no-no's during the day last week and starting tonight she won't have to wear her football gear to bed!  She has not complined ONE TIME over the past 4 weeks about ever having these on her arms.  I'm sure I would NOT have been so cooperative if I couldn't bend my arms to get what I wanted.  What a blessing it has been not to fight her on this, in fact when she sees them she still points to them and wants me to put them on!  Think they will go in the closet today. 

happy little girl even with her no-no's

getting ready for bed with her football arms...still smiling!

thankful for family and friends...

We are so grateful for the gift of family.  My parents came from SC and Michael's mom traveled with us the long 8 hour drive for Lily's surgery.  My parents stayed a few days after our return home and Dad became our "assistant Sherpa" while Michael was at work.  Let's just say the he knows everyone at Publix better than I do!  My mom rocked our angel so I could get some sleep at night and Michael's mom who has a background in nursing kept me calm during the days after Lily's surgery. 

Our friends Marcus and Katie graciously opened their home to us when we came to town for surgery and our follow up appointment.  Her parents even allowed us to stay in their condo when Lily had her surgery.  It gave us little piece of home while we were away during a difficult time and it was such a blessing...not to mention the added treat of having a little girl time with my friend Katie!  They have 3 adorable little girls who doted on Lily and shared all their toys with her.  What a gift they have been to us. 

my parents are just a LITTLE smitten with Lily!

thankful that Lily loves her big brother...

Lily's eyes light up everytime she sees her big brother!  He makes her laugh and he is a great example of love to her. 

this just make me smile...

at Spencer's promotion...doing the double "squinty-eyed" face

thankful that Lily loves books...

Books have been our friend from the first night in China.  We still read her two favorites every day that we took with us on our trip.  She is learning more about words and recognizing different animals and objects...I love reading to her and watching her grow. We went to the library for the first time yesterday and she couldn't stop pointing and making her happy noises when she saw all of the books! 

Gaga reading Goodnight Moon...a new favorite

thankful for her curious nature and desure to figure things out...

Spencer and his cousin were buidling a  roller-coaster a few weeks ago and Lilygot  right in on the action...she watched everything they did with amazement.  Of course her "help" made their job harder at times but they were a good sport about having her by their side.  I served up some chocolate milksakes during the fun which made everyone happy!

thankful for the whispers of God...

The night before Lily's surgery we were having dinner at my friend Katie's house.  I walked by a little table they have for their girls to do homework and art.  I looked down and noticed some homework that her oldest daughter was working on that day.  I immediately got my camera to take a picture of what I saw...

Joshua 1:9..."Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid nor dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 

Tears welled up in my eyes for this was one of those moments when I felt as if God was speaking right to my heart...

the words on this page were one of hope and comfort...peace and promise...

they were a reminder that He would be with me during Lily's surgery...hours away from home...in every moment of every hour...in whatever lies ahead for our little girl. 

This verse is also one of our first family verses that we learned together over two years ago.  Isn't is just like God to choose to speak His truth through the homework of a little girl.

thankful...so VERY thankful

*I have several posts I want to share...hopefully they will come sooner than this one did!  thank you for your prayers...as you can see God has answered in abundance...

 

Highs and Lows

I miss seeing these squinty eyes....

and this sweet smile...

and this laugh...

When we first arrived home Lily was eating her liquids well and we saw a few glimpses of her fun personality come out...she wanted to play the piano, read books and hang out with her big brother. 

The past few days have been a little rough and Lily is pretty much sad and uncomfortable.  She just wants to be held and sleep most of the day.  She cries when I give her anything to drink so many times we resort to a syringe to feed her.   

As you can see the pictures above...her tongue is out in all of them and the drooling is excessive. 

We noticed some white patches on her tongue and e-mailed a picture to our doctor over the weekend.  Her nurse called me at 9pm Saturday night (another reason we love our doctor) and called in some medicine for a yeast infection she had developed in her mouth.  Lily wasn't thrilled to have two more medicines added to the list but we can already see some improvements and hopefully she she is beginning to feel it too.  

Below are pictures of Lily with Dr. Buckmiller and her nurse Emily right before surgery.  She was making them laugh with her squinty eyed smile.  I printed out a picture of her doctor a few days before her surgery so that she would recognize her when we met.  When I showed the picture to Dr. Buckmiller she made sure to wear the same hat the day of surgery that she was wearing in the picture.  Lily definitely recognized it when they both walked into the room. 

Lily loves to curl up in a ball on her tummy when she sleeps with her feet tucked up under her and her butt sticking straight up in the air.  I find her this way every morning snuggled up in the corner of her crib. Even the no-no's (arm splints) haven't stopped this girl from getting into her favorite position...she just has trouble breathing this way right now so she isn't sleeping well at night. 

 

pre-sugery without her no-no's

We take shifts eating dinner so she doesn't have to watch us eat in front of her.  Lily loves all kinds of food so I'm sure it would be difficult for her to understand why she can't have what we do right now.  I talked with a parent who told me they did this when their child had palate surgery and I'm thankful for the idea because I'm not sure I would have thought of it on my own. We are two weeks and counting until our follow-up appointment and we pray her mouth will have healed enough to begin some soft foods at that point. 

Lily continues to be brave and resilient through it all.  She has such a calm and gentle spirit and a strength within that will serve her well as she walks the road God has set before her.  It could be a lot worse so I try to focus on the positive and be thankful and content for where we are right now in the healing process.  Every day gets better and it is one step closer to hearing her say her first words...oh, how I look forward to that day!

We are all called to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves...we are so grateful that God has entrusted Lily to us and we will be her advocate and voice through the valleys and mountains we climb together.  

   

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves..."  Proverbs 31:8a

Post Surgery Update

Thank you for your prayers for our sweet little girl.  We felt everyone of them and continue to see God's hand at work throughout our journey. 

Lily was a trooper prior to surgery...she was full of smiles and she had fun making her doctors laugh with her "squinty eye" face. 

Of course, if she knew what they were about to do to her that would be another story.  We laughed when we looked at this picturee tonight...it's the "Just wait until I get my arm splints ("no-no's") on after surgery...I'll get you back with my new weapons-ha!

Lily's doctor felt very good about her palate repair and we are very grateful.  Post-op recovery has been a little rough going most of the day...lots of agitation and restlessness and trying to play the balancing act of monitoring pain but not giving too much meds to affect her breathing. 

In recovery...the first time I was able to hold her again after surgery. 

I was holding up really well until her oxygen started to drop and she was having trouble breathing when I was holding her back in her room...it probably only lasted a few minutes but it seemed like forever to me before she was back to a normal level.  So... the little oxygen mask has been close by my hand and I have a perfect view of her oxygen levels just as my own safety net.  They did turn it off tonight because she is sleeping better and her breathing looks great....plus she needs to be off of it in order for us to be released to go home. 

It looks like Lily has turned a corner the past few hours.  She is sleeping more peacefully and her pain seems to be under control.  That makes Mama and Dad VERY happy.  She even woke up briefly and pointed to her "lammie" and helped me press the button to play her favorite song.  When it started she made her "i'm happy/proud" sweet sound that we love to hear and even tried to give us a smile...she continues to amaze me. 

To see your little girl in pain and have no control or any way to make it better is heart-wrenching.  All we can do is hold her hand and love on her.  We read this verse earlier this week and it has brought me comfort today..."For I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who says to you, "Fear not I am the one who helps you." (Isaiah41:13).  His hand has been holding hers long before ours and that gives me great hope and peace.  He walks the road ahead of us and is paving the way for every mountain and valley we will face. 

Please be in prayer for our trip back home...we have a long drive ahead of us and I am just praying that we don't have any complications with Lily along the way and that she can rest well without too much pain. 

Off to try and get some rest for the night.  I will leave you with this sweet video we got of Lily while we were waiting for her to go back to surgery.  I can't wait to see that sweet smile again very soon I hope... 

 

Surgery Update

Having some computer glitches so I'm going to do a quick update from my phone.
Lily is scheduled for her palate repair tomorrow (Tuesday) from 8:30-11:00 am.
Please pray for the following...
*her doctor and the team working on Lily
*for Lily to respond well to the repair and have a voice that is intelligble and that she is eager to learn to talk.
*for minimal pain and discomfort after surgery
*for lily to be able to eat well and adjust to her liquid diet for 3 weeks
*for peace in our hearts as we send our little angel off to surgery

We know that she is in the best hands of all..our sweet Savior...and He is preparing
the way for us.

Thank you for lifting up Lily as God brings her to mind.

The Power of the Cross

That’s the power of the cross

see the chains fall...

That’ the power of the cross

see the chains fall. 

I sang the chorus of this song over and over in Lily’s ears as I held her during our time in China and in the early days of coming home when nothing else seemed to ease her sadness or calm her spirit. 

At first…it was more for me than her because I desperately needed to feel the power of the cross break the chains that were keeping her from trusting us.

Over time…the repetition of this song became something to calm and give her rest.  I saw the power of God’s hand reaching down to break the chains of fear and uncertainty that filled her heart. 

I haven’t sung this chorus to her in over 3 weeks. 

Indeed, the power of the cross is bringing healing and hope to our little girl.  We see her transforming before our eyes beginning to trust and love. 

She has gone from a scared little girl...

to a girl that loves to sign "love"

from crying in daddy's arms...

to giggles and laughter...

from layers of clothes...

to smocked dresses (thanks to her Gaga and Papaw)

from eating dirt....

to smelling flowers...

from being uncertain about our love...

to feeling safe in our arms...

When God speaks to us, it is not just for information…but for transformation. 

I want to be transformed by the power of the cross.  I want Lily to know that Easter is so much more than bunnies, bright colored eggs and fancy dresses. 

Easter is about the power of the cross

                a beautiful picture of redemption, love and sacrifice. 

                a celebration of life and hope

                a gift of extravagant grace

                                …an invitation to be transformed. 

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGpdRpjoxUA

Once in darkness now in light
Once blind now you see
Once a sinner now a saint
Once bound now free.

CHORUS:
That's the power of the Cross See the chains fall
That's the power of the Cross See the chains fall

Once a stranger now a child
Empty now filled
Once condemned now reconciled
Broken now healed

CHORUS:
That's the power of the Cross
See the chains fall
That's the power of the Cross
See the chains fall